How to Let Go...of Anything

The first time I tried a rope swing, I was terrified. On my first jump, I let go too soon, dropping into the lake without experiencing any of the flight. On the second attempt, I gripped the rope tightly, and was too scared to let go at all. By holding on too long, I started to swing back toward shore, missing my opportunity once again. My friend shouted out instructions to me on my third try. "HOLD ON!" she yelled from shore. Then, "LET GO!" when the time was just right. I listened to her, and it was a perfect ride.

Life is like that rope swing ride. At times it is important to hold on to things, but other times it is just as important (or even more important) to let them go. But when do you let go, and how?

What Letting Go Is and What it Isn't

First, it is important to understand what it means to let go. Letting go is by no means the same as "letting yourself go" or "letting things go by the wayside". It is not the same as giving up or giving in. It is giving over. It is giving over the control of a situation that you are struggling against and allowing the universe, or God (or whatever you feel comfortable saying) to sort it out as it should be. Letting go does not mean you stick your head in the sand while a freight train is coming at you. It doesn't mean you ignore your housecleaning until your surroundings look like the next episode of Hoarders. Life brings us obstacles and obligations and we need to take action on most of them. Letting go does not mean you never do anything, but it does mean sometimes you do nothing. By that I mean you recognize an opportunity to release the grip on whatever it is that is holding you back. You stop trying to force solutions, or force an outcome, or force anything. When you truly let go of something, you'll know, because all the worry, stress and struggle will go, too, and a serenity will take their place.

Examples of Letting Go

A scene from the movie Contact is a great image to keep in mind about the process of letting go. Jodie Foster's character, Dr. Ellie Arroway, tries to contact extraterrestrial life by travelling in a futuristic machine. The machine instructions do not include restraints, but the science team insist there be some. When the machine reaches top speed, something doesn't feel right to Ellie. She struggles against the forces in the machine and all seems doomed. Ellie decides to release the harnesses because they are holding her back and making everything worse. Once the harnesses are gone, Ellie is free and relaxed. And all systems works as they should.

I can pinpoint the exact times in my life when I have felt like Foster's character from Contact. I feel myself struggling---to not say something, to make a decision, to please someone else, or to be someone else. It is during those moments when I know it's time to release the harness (of fear, expectations, ego, perfection, etc.) that I am holding on to and just let the situation go. I stop trying to force a solution. I stop trying to control everything, or anything. I give it over, let it be, and let it go. Like when I was on the rope swing, I do hold on at times, but I also know when it's time to let go. And every time I do, the results are amazing. Things fall into place and seem to work out, despite my (or because of my) detachment to the outcome.

The opposite is also true. When you hold on too long to something or to something you shouldn't, nothing falls into place. Everything you are doing seems to backfire, take too much effort, and become a struggle. (This is not to be confused with joyful effort, when hard work pays off.) I definitely can tell when I need to let go, or when I should have. Small examples from my life include not having enough time to make dinner, and wanting to just do takeout, but instead forcing myself to cook, only to find I am missing ingredients, and burning whatever is in the pan. I end up in a very stressed out mood...when lo and behold my husband will come home with a pizza that someone dropped by his garage, meaning I didn't have to cook at all in the first place! Another example is making my son honor a volunteer obligation despite all signs pointing toward just saying no. It involved a late night run to the grocery store for supplies after his track meet when he was exhausted and really should have been studying. Turns out the adult cancelled out anyway, and thus my son wasted his time. Why couldn't I just let go, and allow myself to say no at these times? Answer in both examples: I didn't want to disappoint anyone. But the fact is, I could have skipped cooking, and I could have let my son skip the obligation----and all would have worked out anyway! If only I had just let go!

Some much bigger examples of letting go from my life include when I decided to leave my teaching job. It was a heart-wrenching decision and I agonized over it. I loved teaching and I worried about our finances. The decision was made even more difficult because I faced losing nearly ten years of retirement money. At the time, the rule for vestment was ten years, and I had been teaching for 9.78! My heart was telling me to be home with my kids, but I was holding on to that money in my mind. For months I tried to figure out a way to make it all work. One day my husband said (kind of jokingly), "It's only money". And at that moment I stopped worrying about it . I accepted having to lose the money. I truly let it go and eventually resigned from my job. And amazingly, just days later, the vestment was changed to five years. I got to keep all of my retirement money anyway!

I also know that whenever I fret over my husband's business and cling to bitterness about times he's been wronged by people or politics, the checkbook balance only gets lower and the budget only gets tighter. But when I truly let go of my anger or fear about the situation and just let the universe work it out, it never fails that the phone will ring and it's my husband, calling with some good news.

Try Letting Go

Letting go is possible with anything. You can let go of the little things and with the big things too, like weight loss (or the number on the scale), relationships, careers and even grief. There are many books and websites devoted to letting go, and help out there for letting go in any situation.

Letting go can mean saying no, or saying nothing at all. It can mean moving on, leaving behind, throwing away, or shedding a skin that no longer fits you. It is acceptance of what will happen, and detachment at the same time. In any form, letting go can often bring you the outcome you are hoping for, and is a much easier route to results. It can lead to a more peaceful outlook and in turn, a more peaceful you . So the next time you feel yourself swinging backward, check your grip. You might be clinging to something that's holding you back. Try letting go. And enjoy the ride.